England are great and terrible after beating Croatia. It's fairly standard to have both those conclusions during a World Cup, but not both after the first game.
Will Thomas Tuchel - who is German - sing the national anthem at the World Cup? He has made a 'vow' and should probably be sacked for it.
It will be an achievement if England are able to recover in time for their World Cup opener against Croatia after more 'alarming' incidents.
England are about to DROP two players who were not in Thomas Tuchel's last starting XI. Nope, not having that.
Arsenal have 'approval' to push ahead with a £170m double signing, but Manchester City are no longer signing Elliot Anderson for £65m.
England are going to win the World Cup, according to the 'Living Nostradamus'. Unless one of six other teams win it.
England's World Cup preparations have included a 'shock role' for Phil Neville, but the big story is the Man Utd midfield masterplan.
Thomas Tuchel's World Cup masterplan has unravelled already, while England's hopes of glory get a 'miserable verdict'. Bring them home.
Manchester United have a transfer 'leak' and a 'green light', while 'one major issue' stands in the way of Liverpool and their main target.
However uneasy we might be feeling about this World Cup, we urgently need the matches to get going now to save us all from terrible content.
We're all still supposed to accept that squad numbers are a new concept to be grappled with and that a FIFA announcement is a 'leak'.
Arsenal should probably be stripped of their Premier League title, while Manchester United have a 'green light' to do something stupid.
Harry Maguire somehow 'understood' a hidden Thomas Tuchel message in March, while two Arsenal stars in particular are slammed for being happy.
Liverpool and Bournemouth are on course for a dramatic play-off to secure Champions League football, as long as you ignore the odds.
The Premier League title is Arsenal's and relegation goes down to the final day. But we're not really interested in any of that...
Manchester United will have been rocked by Sir Alex Ferguson's 'stance' on Michael Carrick and Bruno Fernandes' verdict on a transfer target.
Could Manchester United really lift their definitely real Newcastle transfer embargo? And Casemiro has delivered a 'huge Ronaldo snub'.
A 'final call' has been made on whether Manchester United will target Cole Palmer this summer - and it looks awfully familiar.
The Sun have demoted Man City Bottle Fan to 'punter' despite knowing who he is, with an Arsenal title race question screamed but not answered.
You might think Manchester United had to sell Rasmus Hojlund because of the whole Not Being Good Enough thing, but apparently not...