England's World Cup preparations have included a 'shock role' for Phil Neville, but the big story is the Man Utd midfield masterplan.
Thomas Tuchel's World Cup masterplan has unravelled already, while England's hopes of glory get a 'miserable verdict'. Bring them home.
Manchester United have a transfer 'leak' and a 'green light', while 'one major issue' stands in the way of Liverpool and their main target.
However uneasy we might be feeling about this World Cup, we urgently need the matches to get going now to save us all from terrible content.
We're all still supposed to accept that squad numbers are a new concept to be grappled with and that a FIFA announcement is a 'leak'.
Amad Diallo has issued a worrying 13-word transfer statement to rattle the serenity at Manchester United. Except obviously, he hasn't done that.